It’s raining this morning as predicted, so relaxed, taking a shower first thing to shake off the crazy night. I got to sleep early enough after reading some more of Terry’s book on her life as a tuna fisherwoman but awoke at 1:11 AM feeling a level of anxiety but not understanding the source of it. Rather than reaching for a sleeping pill I reach for my book shelf, selecting at random Brene Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness. The first part of the book tracked her early years from K-12, horrible years, every bit the outsider, no friends, isolated, and her parents no help at all, their constant arguing just another part of a punishing upbringing. It was, in fact, due to this dark upbringing and finding just the right man to marry that led to the theme of the book: living bravely – feeling like you truly belong – in today’s society amid the rancor and discord. Interestingly, the minute I got into the second part of the book, my anxiety lessened because I immediately identified with what she was saying. She writes “I still thought of belonging as requiring something external to us – something we secured by…showing up in a real way but needing an experience that always needed others. So as I dug deeper into true belonging, it became clear it’s not something we achieve or accomplish with others; its something we carry in our heart. Once we belong thoroughly to ourselves and believe thoroughly in ourselves, true belonging is ours”.
Being able to stand alone – not dependent on outside causes – is the hallmark of the New human that I envision for myself today. We are required now to learn to live within, to find within the resources that provide the power, the desire even, to stand alone and feel okay about it, knowing, as Brene Brown states, that “even when we are utterly alone, we’re connected to one another by something greater than group membership…that we’re connected by love and the human spirit”. I will want to finish reading Brown’s book mainly because she is what is called a “grounded theory researcher” which means she bases her conclusions on interviews with people directly. But first I want to finishing reading the other two Falling Upward and Fishing with Hyenas. BUT WAIT. What’s wrong with doing it the way I am now, reading from three different books simultaneously? Who says it has to be so linear? Good! I caught myself thinking the old way…again.
In the middle of my writing just now, my housemate, Kornelia, phoned me from Hawaii. It was 4:40 AM there and she was still in bed but wanted me to know, with excitement in her voice, about all the wonderful things that had happened since our last talk. I was only to happy to listen as she told me one delightful story after another, all occurring under her own steam, independent of others. The major thing was that she gave a talk last night to eight women, four of whom were visiting Kauai from Australia. Kornelia did not say a word about her personal story but talked instead about the rise of the Feminine in today’s culture. Before the lecture was over the women were in tears and she had a serious offer to travel Australia next year for a series of retreats and workshops in different cities. Her radio show yesterday had been a challenge stemming from the fact the houses there don’t have normal windows; they have instead blinds of some kind so the noise travels easily. Both of her radio guests are probable show sponsors (or whatever the term is now for the people Kornelia promotes).. She also had the pleasure of visiting the St. Regis Hotel on her way to the beach and being mistaken for a hotel guest, a position she relished, being acknowledged with respect (without the money to back it up). On top of that she had an inexpensive ice cream cone purchased at a road stand and an expensive drink purchased on the beach at the Regis Cabana, all before noon. The drink, by the way, cost $20. Today she heads to the beach home of one of her two radio sponsors to conduct a private session. Kornelia checks into the Hilton tomorrow and the Marriott the next as a guest of her partner, Brian, who arrives that night. From then on, its sheer play. She made it clear that Kauai was an expensive place to live and would not want to live there herself unless she had the money to enjoy it. So, good news from my dear friend. both of us still taking great pleasure in our particular friendship.
