The Art of Editing

EDITOR’S NOTE: Kornelia Stephanie writes every day, publishing 
daily meditations for her tribe, corresponding with clients,
writing monthly news letters for her far-flung membership and
occasionally creating media presentations like the one below.
Although not trained, I often function as an editor, reviewing and
correcting Kornelia’s output. I do so happily because she’s my friend and housemate. Moreover she has extraordinary writing skills
despite the fact that English is her second language. Kornelia moved here from Germany in her teens and never had the benefit of
learning English in American schools.
I’m using this journal entry to give you an idea of Kornelia’s skills,
particularly her word choice, and my effort to edit her ambitious
and energetic work. The questions for the readers are several:
Has my rewrite done Kornelia’s work justice?
Has something been lost in the process?
Has anything been gained?
Let me have your feedback

ORIGINAL:

“Kornelia is a perfect example. 
‘Be the Hero in Your Own Life’. 
Love yourself free.To be the authority in your own life as an empowered creator. 
She can relate all to well to a time in her life where she felt she was playing small and who would just try to survive. To Defer her dreams and ignore the talents and gifts she was given.   She remembers a time in her life when she felt so much shame, in claiming her personal power looking outside of herself for approval and hoping someone would come in and save her when everything around her was falling apart.  The challenges were many with harboring self-hatred at her core she was faced with not committing suicide many times when the emotional triggers were to much to bare.

She has compassion in healing the core wounds of our past feeling not worthy, not valued,  the betrayals, the abandonment and feeling the inner victim active while being faced with enormous financial struggles in a world that is calling for liberation and equality. What a long and painful path to claim her worth and love every part of herself into wholeness. Her life’s work has been undoing all the old conditioning, old beliefs, and healing the emotional core wounding. Through this work, she achieved self and life mastery.”

REWRITE:

“Kornelia is a perfect example of someone who has become a hero in her own lifetime. 
As the independent, empowered and creative woman she now is, she can relate all too well to a time in her life when she felt she was playing small and just trying to survive, deferring her dreams and ignoring the talents and gifts she was given. She remembers a time when she felt deep shame in simply claiming her personal power, always looking outside of herself for approval, hoping someone would come in and save her. Harboring self-hatred at her core, she faced many  challenges and when the emotional triggers were too much to bare, attempted, several times, to commit suicide. 
Now, Kornelia’s in an entirely different place. After a long, often painful struggle, both personal and financial, she has found the path to wholeness which started with a respect for self, claiming her worth and loving every part of her body. From this vantage point she has identified other core wounds of the past such as the feelings of abandonment, betrayal and victimhood and developed ways to process and heal them. In a world that is calling for liberation and equality, Kornelia has responded, bringing her personal experience and compassion to the fore.  Her life’s work now is to share her experience with others, to help others undo all the old conditioning, old beliefs, and old emotional wounds, healing them and bringing new life and new ways of thinking and being. She has become a masterful resource in a world of change.” 

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